Hi, I'm Kate Gordon
[Under Construction!]
Please excuse the mess here. I'm having a baby the same week that my essay is published in the New York Times Modern Love series! More will follow in the coming weeks and months, as I emerge from the newborn bubble.
If I'm being honest, I never thought I’d be a published writer. And if I had imagined it, it would probably have been about being a working mom, life at a startup, or something equally unremarkable. My expertise is limited to “how to find your husband at business school,” “how to put a diaper on a toddler who doesn’t sit still,” and “why you maybe shouldn't pick the cutest yet craziest dog in the litter.”But then, my mom killed herself.My world collapsed overnight in every way, shape, and form.A few months after she died, I started to feel drawn to tell my story. Not only to process my own experience, but also to support others who have lost loved ones to suicide, and to shed light on what life looks like after a loss like this.And mostly because, after she died, I couldn't stop noticing. Noticing language in a way I never had before."This makes me want to kill myself," dropped casually as a joke. In a meeting. Out to dinner. In a TV show.Seven words I honestly never noticed before. Seven words that now completely unravel me each time I hear them. Seven words that separate someone simply frustrated at a long line at LAX, from someone like me, who hears those words and relives the worst moment of my life.I'm writing a memoir about suicide, grief, and the language we use around both. The book will be for everyone who's ever borrowed language without thinking — painful punchlines, hollow condolences, complete silence — and for those who have paid the price.This is the beginning. Stay tuned!
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I'm donating my Modern Love compensation to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Please donate here if you want to contribute too.
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For inquiries, perspectives, or anything at all, email me below.